Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
