Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
