So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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