Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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