I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My liver just had a heart attack.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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