Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
