Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
