my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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