First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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