i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
