one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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