I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
