I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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