...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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