My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
