I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize