I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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