So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
