You made me cry and you don't even care
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have fence marks all over my body
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
