Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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