WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
