That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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