I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
