you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
