That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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