I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who died my cat blue again?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
