I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
