escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
