I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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