bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
