I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He shit in the fireplace
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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