He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
