So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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