I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
