now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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