Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
