I'm so fucking centered right now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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