I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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