so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize