There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
