you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
