And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's blow job season.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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