my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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