her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
