Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
