i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
