i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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