Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
