well I can't set my house on fire every night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
3pm strippers are depressing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
