Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The beer is more important than you right now.
i came on her dog
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
