I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
