i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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