I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
