He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
