YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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