he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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