break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
