Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
