Three words: puerto rican gang bang
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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