I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm too high and old for this...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
