R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are the jesus of drinking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
