would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
