So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize