Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
