How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
