a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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