I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize